The cost of staying still

A final essay to close a dark 12-month period of my life and career.

Once again, and likely the final time, I’d say it: 2024 was a tough year for me. I felt stuck. I felt stagnant. Oh, and I also felt hopeless.

My wife was right there watching me and later told me, “I didn’t know how to bring it up to you.”

I was reconnecting with an old friend, Ankita Kulkarni (her X and YouTube), last week, and we circled back to this topic. And that triggered a series of reflections in me — especially what got me into this state and what shift I had taken to recover from it.

I wrote the 2024 annual review already, so I didn’t plan to revisit this story. But after a full 12 months, I’m only now walking out of the fog. It feels worthy to share one last time, for me and maybe one other person who needs to hear it.

I was making myself a victim

When I shared my story with Ankita, I brought this up once again.

“I absolutely love what I’m doing, but the people I enjoy hanging out with — you know, the people who think, create, and share what they know — they’re scattered around the world. I used to talk to them online. A big reason for my burnout was because I lost the connection with them.”

I have always known that it was important to stay close to your people and build a solid network. Content can scale your influence, but nothing beats the word-of-mouth engine, really.

That’s when Ankita said, “You live in Hong Kong. I live in Toronto. I’m a lot closer to the U.S. But if you think about it, we are very much in the same situation. I also don’t have a local community, though I fly to a conference once every year.”

I started to feel pieces in me breaking down because she was so right. I blamed it on the circumstances. What did I actually do to overcome this barrier? Did I fly over to a conference once a year?

Nope. I didn’t do anything. I was always at home or in my studio staring at the screens.

That’s when I realized the real barriers are usually invisible — they are inside us.

Sure, I could blame it on new parenthood. But the truth was I didn’t make the effort. I was lacking an intention.

This conversation with Ankita cracked something open and finally put an end to my struggle.

I started shifting back into motion

It took me 6 months (Apr to Sep 2024) to realize I had a big problem. Then it took me another 6 months (Oct 2024 to Mar 2025) to finally say, “I’ve regained all my energy! I’m all fired up!”

Some friends have asked me about the moment of realization — how did I find out I was stagnant water in the pond and needed to change? What happened?

The starting point was conversations with my wife. She is the person who knows me the best, and she was there through the whole journey. She knew. She was only finding the right time (smart) and words to point things out, like how she saw me being stuck in my business.

It was an easier conversation compared to some of the earlier ones. The difference was that at that point, I didn’t have the entrepreneurial stubbornness in me. You know how entrepreneurs always believe they can turn things around? I had that. But after 4 years of running my solo business, mainly selling info products, I myself felt a need for change.

The next turning point was working for Ali Abdaal. I enjoyed meeting Ali and Izzy (they moved to Hong Kong in 2024), and we agreed to take one month to build Ali a new course.

It was refreshing to be around high-caliber people again. We bounced ideas, grabbed lunch, and talked about everything. That really opened up my eyes to offering a service - something I had resisted for a long time.

“I don’t want to trade my time for money!” That was a slogan for many people who wanted to make money online and strive for financial freedom. I still don’t want to do so, but for now, I’m happy to because it gives me what I need now - income, collaboration, and focus.

The final turning point was me picking up golf. Little did I know that having a new hobby would open up the entire world for me.

I’m serious.

I love a precision game, so I’ve been super motivated to practice. I have a clear goal. It also gave me a reason to reconnect with old friends. A few of us would get together on a Tuesday evening to play 18 holes at the simulator.

I would post about my golf journey on social media (mainly @kevon), and acquaintances would reach out. Jeffrey Yu and I met up for the first time, got coffee, and went to the driving range to hit some balls.

I also signed up for group classes and met instructors and new friends. I even had more things to talk about with my father-in-law because he loves golfing.

In the last few years, many podcast interviewers have asked me about my lifestyle, and I would proudly say, “My life is pretty much my family and my work.”

Now I laugh at that.

All of this - the service work, the golf, the energy shift - added up. I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I was learning a few big things.

What I’ve learned and unlearned

Don’t blame circumstances

I was finding excuses to comfort myself.

Hard things like location, appearance, and language almost don’t matter much because I had proved to strike down these barriers in the last few years already.

In contrast, soft things like intention, choices, and energy affect everything that I do.

I knew the only way to bring myself back was to get my wheel spinning again. If I had just made a 1% improvement, I could have gotten really far, but I had no idea how to even get that 1%.

Motion changes everything

It is funny because motion itself doesn’t create change. Say you go running or join gatherings all the time; it is not going to solve your stagnant problems.

But clearly when I put myself out there the last few months, I was able to soak up new perspectives, new inspirations, and new conversations.

I’ve realized that when my mind is in this state, any conversations, whether it is with someone I can relate to or with someone I have zero connection with, can almost make me feel a lot better.

I reached out to Katie Mok, who just self-published a book, suggesting a meet up. Turns out we had a ton in common!

I also reconnected with Sandy Ip, a school friend from university who runs a global jewelry business. Back then I bought my engagement ring from her! It might seem like we don’t have a lot in common. But we had fun chatting and I got inspired by her words!

“Talk it out” is a real solution. Well, this is of course if you talk to non-selfish, amazing people.

All of this has given me a new coating, going from a grey one to a colorful one.

Yes, they don’t guarantee anything. But at least there’s a chance to turn things around.

The happiest photos are always captured in motion.

And now I see it clearly in how I live.

The truth is that I’m much more proactive now.

In 2024, I wasn’t meeting any friends. I wasn’t making any plans. I was stuck and felt stagnant.

Now, I’m sending messages to friends to reconnect and care for them. Instead of questioning the value of the conversation, I have this “the world is hard and everyone needs love” mindset.

Now, I’m saying yes to training sessions and gatherings spontaneously. I am the planner type, so it was insanely hard for me to sign up for new things in the next 3 days. I don’t mind anymore. I want motion.

Now, I’m pursuing new opportunities. I start seeing problems around me and I explore fixing them.

All of it helped shape a new mindset that I call “choosing to move”. Ah, I can finally close this dark chapter.

Final words

I had the deepest journey from April 2024 to March 2025.

Not going to lie but it was likely the toughest period in my 13-year career. I guess I’m glad it happened when I was 34 years old because I had more experience and a broader worldview.

I’m able to see things more clearly, like I understand why people make certain choices and what I should or should not do. This clarity is really a gift of aging.

As I wrote down this final reflection on this topic, I couldn’t help but think that the principles of living and success don’t change much. It comes down to 3 things:

1. Get into motion

2. Surround yourself with awesome people

3. Run small experiments

But hey, we are human beings! We should cut ourselves some slack. If you ever get into a low period like I did, don’t worry.

Because the lows make space for the new highs.